Listen- you have to listen to your spouse because that’s going to be able to teach you likes and dislikes. Know about the things that are important to them. Actually hear your spouses needs in the relationship. Pay attention to the tone of voice when they are talking. Pay attention to the message when they are talking. Sometimes the tone may be off but the message is there. Listening to your spouse is one of the most important things you can do because it is going to teach what your need to know in every aspect of the relationship.
Observe….What are the things you see that are’nt even being taught. Favorite foods, movies, likes, dislikes. When they say “I’m good” what does it really mean? Does it mean give me space and time to cool off, or does it mean I need you to let me vent. Pay attention to the things that add value to the relationship. Also pay attention the things that cause conflict in the relationship. Take the time to find your spouses love language as well as their communication style. (VERY IMPORTANT). If you focus on gifts to a persons who’s love language is quality time, your wasting your efforts. If your haven’t taken the time to understand how your spouse receives communication and which approach sets them off, you have signed up for a life full of arguments that could have easily been limited (but not completely avoided). Here is the secret. Try not to do the things that add conflict to the relationship. More importantly try not to repeat the things that bring conflict. Observe it because it will prevent future conflict between you and your spouse.
Visit…now that you’ve listened and observed….visit…spend time to talk to your spouse about what you’ve learned about each other…about seeing a difference…positive reinforcement ” I noticed last week we talked about this and I’ve noticed you’ve stepped up to fix that and I appreciate it”….visiting as in spend quality time.. Not while text, not during commercials during the game, or greys anatomy or any other TV show. Eye to Eye not distractions time with each other… Undivided attention.. It is in doing this your spouse realizes they are a priority, that are important to you, and you show this to them by taking time to visit with them. A lot of the growth done in a relationship comes from this.
Express …your feelings (within reason)…It is imperative that communication and application take place in a relationship. Express things that are needed in the relationship. Express your feelings on what has been talked about in the relationship.Are you expressing a sense of appreciation for your spouse. If you neglect to show respect/appreciation to your spouse that can been seen as a lack of importance and cause a wedge to form. Say thank you. Tell the other what they mean to you. Notice when they do something you’ve asked them to. If you have a wall (politely) get over yourself because your telling your spouse my feelings are more important then yours, and your not worth the change. And the same walls put up to protect your heat, will also keep it lonely. You have to be willing to express feelings in a relationship. You don’t have to be overly mushy if its not your personality, but you do have to communicate it if that is your spouses love language. The other 3 don’t matter if your not expressing the importance of it all….if your not applying the things that your spouse has talked to you about…he or she….will leave you.
Just some quick thoughts. Show love to your significant other. Love is more then just words. Its action behind it. And not just the action that pleases you, love is also paying attention to the action the pleases that special someone. Love y’all, stay blessed, and Grow Yourself