Dear Yesterday…

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Dear yesterday,

There have been something’s on my mind for a while now, and there’s no easy way to say this. We’ve been in each others lives longer then I can remember. I remember this because you remind me of all the things that you haven’t forgot. Memory after memory has been filled with you. You were all I knew and I guess that’s why I grew comfortable and complacent with you…bc you knew me. You knew my flaws, you knew my personality, you knew my sense of humor and you knew my temper…and loved and accepted me for it…Yesterday you can tell when I’m pretending to be ok in situations, because you know thousands of similar situations that you can rattle off at the drop of a dime…Bc you were always there… Always whenever I was at my lowest…who sat beside me and let me vent…you…Yesterday…When everyone else left…and even though ill admit I walked away from you…you always let me come back to you…and it was almost like time stood still, like nothing had changed with you..it was just like old times…me….and Yesterday…I love you yesterday…and I write this with tears in my eyes because the same thing that keeps me comfortable has also kept me from becoming who I need to become…Yesterday although you’ve been every part of my past I’m afraid I have to leave you if I ever want to see greatness in my future…Stop….Don’t….Don’t cry yesterday…Its not…Its not like we haven’t felt this approaching for a while now…Its like you don’t listen yesterday, I’ve explained that I need to do some growing so I can actually be happy but all you ever do when I say that is tell me about how things use to  be in the good old days when it was just us…me…and yesterday…And I get that what we had was good, I understand we know everything about each other, but the fact that you don’t know how much it kills me inside to stay here, makes me feel that you don’t really know me…..Ill think about you yesterday…There will be times where Im out there…Somewhere beyond the distance of your touch and in the mists of everything ill wonder if your thinking of me too…yesterday…I loved you yesterday…From the bottom of my heart…Nobody knew me like you did…and unfortunately you knew that and used that only like you could….Yesterday….Good bye yesterday. I have to leave you. I cant keep getting reminded of where I came from, of how I was, of what I did, who my old friends were, how I use to talk, ect…and Yesterday…baby that’s all you ever talk about…I’ll never move forward to my dreams…getting pulled back to you like time last time…and the time before that…and the time before that..I use to always come back to you…Yesterday……I’ll miss you yesterday…I really will…You will always have a place in my heart yesterday. You’ve taught me so much…and I’ve learned from you and I’ve grown because if it…Thank you Yesterday…From the bottom of my heart….a place I can no longer let you call home…Take care of yourself Yesterday….We can no longer see each other.

With love,

SG

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Would your friends pass the test? A quick assessment of your close relationships.

What’s your definition of a good friend? What traits do you look for in your friendships? What qualifies someone as having the necessary credentials needed to qualify as a time consumer in your life? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Even more importantly are you mature enough with yourself to be honest about the answer. If you wrote down 10 non-negotiable traits of a real friend, then filtered the people who occupy your time the most, how many people are still around? I think people become anchored back from reaching their potential simply because they either haven’t given any thought to, or won’t be honest about the fact that, they’ve spent most of their lives confusing a good friend…with a familiar face. And the reason is because they’ve allowed for the their lines of standards to be erased, and the places where they light of truth once illuminated has now become an inconsistent land of grey area. Have you ever heard the phrase “success leaves clues”? Meaning there are habits or actions that successful people do. Do you know that great relationships (not just spouse or boyfriend and girlfriend) leaves clues too? Do you know that bad ones do the same? There are tale tale signs that people demonstrate that should be a signal on wether or not they belong in your life. You will see things that I believe if you eliminate the grey area should tell you if should spend more or less time with these people. One thing you can never buy or get back is time. Life a marathon and you can either choose to spend your time running it joined with other runners,or with Anvils…one will encourage you and make the trip easier, the other will make the journey more difficult and severely slow you down (clue number one). Author Robb Thompson says “there is no such thing as a neutral relationship.Every relation you have is either a hinderance or a benefit to your life(notice no grey are). Ok so right there you have your filter. Write down your goal,whatever that is. Write down the necessary influence and thought process you think will need to get to that dream…..now….Are the people you spend majority of your time with the people who will assist you or motivate you to your goal. Are they pushing you forward,are pulling you back. If you had to list your friends on either side of the “YES OR NO” column (not the “but I’ve known them for a long time” or the “but that’s family” or “but that’s my booooyyy” column).If they had to go on one side or the other,what does your list look like? Here are some questions I think will help in recognize the signs relationships conducive for growth.

1.Do they support your goals.(yes or no)
-Do they encourage you or do do they tell you you can’t do something
-Do they speak life or death into your dreams.
-Do they show excitement when you talk about your dream.
-Are they understanding to the time,energy,effort needed to accomplish your dream.
-Do they guilt trip you when you have to dedicate time to accomplish you dream.
-Do they try to assist or distract from the task at hand?
-Do they speak highly or negatively about your goals?
-Do they instill faith or fear towards your dream.
-Do they focus on the obstacles in your way,or help you find ways around them?
-Do they use character,physical,mental,financial,emotional traits as reasons you can’t succeed.
-Do they support your competition?

I know many of you (if your like me the first time I did this) lost a lot of “close friends” in this part of the filtering process.

2.Are they walking in the same direction.(you’ll hardly ever see those known for being ambitious,around those known for being lazy)
-ARE THEY A DISTRACTION (be honest)
-Do they have similar goals? (Disclaimer. Does not necessarily mean they are bad people if they don’t. This is just so your aware. There may be a difference in terrain, as long as its a similar direction.)
-Do they have goals?
-Do they have big goals
-Do they show the same level (or above) of passion and desire towards that goal.
-Do they spend time on y’all’s future or your past?

3.Do they respect you.
-verbally
-emotionally
-Do they constant say things “they didn’t really mean” or bc “I was mad”? (Ps you’ll never immediately change the things you consistently tolerate.its ok to put your foot down)
-Do they consistently push your buttons ….on purpose?
-If they know something bothers you,how many times do you have ask them not to do something.

4.*******How are they when things aren’t convenient? **********
-Are they even still around
-Are they positive or negative
-Do they resort back to old habits
-Does “the other side” come out?
-Do they try to pull together,or is it every man for himself?

5.What do they bring to the table.(Disclaimer:Not using people. Friendships and good relationships are mutually beneficial. Parasitic relationships are one sided. So if your going to bring something of value to the relationships,evaluate what they bring)
-Do they help you grow
-Do they increase your knowledge, network, quality of life ect.
-Whats their attitude about bringing things to the table (generous,snobby,condescending ect)?
-Happiness or stress.

My best friend once said “If your going to leave crumbs or make a mess, then you might as well not even sit at the table”. Evaluate who you let sit at your table. Understand they will be a hinderance or a benefit. Again,doesn’t make them bad people, just may be people you have to either love at a distance,sparingly or may be someone to excuse from the table. Understand YOU BRING VALUE TO A RELATIONSHIP..So it’s only right that others contribute as we’ll.This post isn’t saying anyone’s better then anyone else. Just wrote this so that when you continue to see certain behavior you can decide of someone’s moving you in the right direction. Remember,you’ll always jump higher and run faster without the things that weight you down. You’ll fly once you remove the things that restrain your wings. And you’ll enjoy the peace and quiet once you eliminate all of the noise. Love y’all, Stay blessed, Grow yourself.

Fellas….Few Questions

When was the last time you “wow’d” her?

when was the last time you cooked?

when was the last time you sat and talked, no phone no TV just you and her?

when was the last time she had your undivided attention?

When was the last time she came home to a cooked meal?

when was the last time you put as much time getting ready as she does so she gets that same feeling you use to get when you’d see her.

When was the last time you were the first to compliment, and acknowledge her new hair cut.

When was the last time you participated in something, not because it meant anything to you, but because it meant the world to her?

When was the last time you told her what shes means to you, making eye contact, sincerely, and from the bottom of your heart, so she knows in this world of yours, she means the world to you?

When was the last time yall did something new?

Does she laugh more the she cries?

Have you became honest with yourself that if your not the first one that calls her beautiful, there may be a time where your not the only one that calls her beautiful.

Last time she got a back rub?

Last time she came home to a bubble bath?

Last time you let her know be telling her and showing her that’s shes appreciated?

When was the last time you kissed her til her knees got weak?

When was the last time you did the things a man should do?

 

Step it up before she’s steppin out. Stay blessed. Grow Yourself.

10 Tips For Life

Faith/Positive mental Attitude– No matter what your religious belief is. In life, you have to have faith that things will improve, things with turn out right, and that everything will be ok. otherwise. Simply having faith prevents your mind from turning life’s speed bumps into mental mountains. A positive mental attitude is usually formed from faith. But your positive mental attitude is what tells you “that wasn’t so bad” or “I made it and I’m stronger because of it”. You will attract to you the things you think about, that can either be a positive world or a negative one.

2. You wont be able to please everyone – The easier waste to run yourself ragged, is to try to please everyone. If your too bold, people will call you rude, if your too quite you’ll be called a pushover. So if their going to judge you anyways and be unhappy despite your efforts, be you and have fun. The ones that are meant to be with you will walk with you, the ones that aren’t, wont.

3.Its nobody else’s fault –  You are where you are in life because of your own actions, thoughts, and beliefs. You may have had negative influences, relationships ect. Here’s the thing though, not overcoming that and moving on with your life to become a better you doesn’t hurt anybody else, it only limits you. Its never a lack of money its a lack of thought process, and if you think your situation is so bad, there are a number of motivational videos, and books from people with similar or worst situations that chose to pick THEMSELVES up.

4.You can make progress or excuses, but you cant make both – This ones pretty self explanatory. But what I want you to think about and ask yourself is “when things go wrong do I spend more time complaining about the problem, or evaluating a way for a solution?” Most people spend all day complaining over an issue that they could have come up with a solution for in 10 minutes. Which way to you spend your time. The best way to resolve this is to eliminate grey area from your life, take responsibility, and address situations. Time will pass either way, its just one way is actually productive.

5.If you want it, give it– If you want something from the world first you have to give it. I know this is contrary to what most people are taught and believe, but this is the way of the world. If you want money, your going to have to learn to give some of it away (sew the seed you want to reap). If you want real friends? You have to be one to someone else first. You want love, loyalty, companionship, good deeds, ect…Sew it….Everything you want, you have in a bag inside of you that you can plant anytime any where. and your harvest will come up. Problem is most people want the harvest without planting the seed, and that’s like saying “fire give me heat, and when your nice and warm ill add some logs”.

6.Smile – Smile for yourself because as soon as your smile, your body triggers something in your mind that says “dude things are ok…look were smiling” and your body becomes relaxed. Even if its just a little bit that can make a world of difference. Like right now you have a current mood. Wherever you are, smile…don’t worry ill wait….you instantly start to feel better. This also give you a warm presence about yourself that attracts people to you. Now, don’t walk around creeper smiling at people but if you have a nice normal smile, you will feel better about yourself and people will be drawn to you. Also your smile my be the sunshine of somebody else’s rainy day. And remember what was said about planting the seed. It may be on your bad day that someone’s smile turns your whole day around.

7.The little things are the big things – With relationships of all kinds, do the small things for people. Small acts of random kindness have the biggest effect on people. Give a compliment, hold the door, notice a change, ect. There are many people walking around who don’t have anyone else to do that for them, and you can be that person.

8.Have meaningful qualified friendships with likeminded people – If you want to have real friendships. Make your friends qualify for them. Not everybody you shake hands with is meant to be your friend. You can be nice, you can be polite, but if your going to be a life leech, I’m going to turn salty.Its not rude, its not snobby, its not anything like that, its the confidence that you bring something to the table, and time is valuable. People will bring you in whatever direction they are going in, so you have to make sure its in the same direction you want to go. Find people who are going the same direction in you in life and push each other to go further.

9.Bring something to the table, if you wanna join the feast  – I respect your time, and I also respect my own. I promise to better myself, feel a need, give, add value to, serve, compliment, grow, ect, I will be there every time you need me, I will be reliable, I will be honest, I will tell you that thing you need to hear (with love) sometimes you don’t want to hear it, I am willing to give the shirt off of my back and will do everything in my power to help your dreams come true….now…What do YOU bring to the table. (I actually dare some of yall to have that conversation with a close friend and watch what they say). If you are bringing food (value) to the table and they cant even bring a cup? They gotta go.

10.Fill a void and make a friend – There are people out there right now that if you want to qualify for their world, All you have to do is pay attention. People all have certain needs, and if you can fill that need for them you become priceless, you will have people who you would dream to be around, requesting time around you just because they want that need in their life met. If its a real friend, if its positivity, if its to feel like they can have fun, if its someone who notices the small things, whatever it is, pay attention to the things the people you care about/the relationships you want. Fill the need and gain a friend.

Precaution doesn’t always make you prepared…life without a helmet.

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Helmet…check
Knee pads…check…
Elbow pads…check…
First aid kit….check
Complete evaluation of the bike….check
Ready for the ride of life………………

And here lies the problem. I think that there is a serious lack of a sense of adventure nowadays. John Maxwell asks the question”when was the last time you tried something for the first time?” How many of you paused right there and honestly couldn’t remember? When was the last time you left a foot print outside of the lines of your comfort zone? Sad to say, most people are use to a groundhogs day approach where every day repeats itself and only thing that changes is the dates and the wrinkles. What keeps someone a voluntary prisoner,restrained by mentally made shackles? Is it fear? Is it a lack of confidence? Whatever it is, it’s leaving many people with a false sense of security, believing in an illusion that “if I play it safe,nothing will go wrong.” This couldn’t be any further from the truth. Hate to break it to some of y’all but, life will happen good or bad, regardless of how much you plan, how much you analyze and how much you try to prepare. You make it easier for life to bully you. If you think about it, you make yourself predictable, over cautious, and won’t fight back? Your a perfect candidate for a swirly! I’m not asking you to go out being a rambunctious cowboy about life. But there has to be some times where you live a little.Life is a major league picture who’s made a career on throwing curve balls. You can either cry about the call, or have fun swinging away. Life is going to hit you, but I’d rather get hit running full force, then to be standing still and get blind sided. For those those wanting to live an average life, I’m just saying spice it up. For those who want more, be willing to pursue your dream with reckless abandonment. Your not deep enough in the seas of life if your still able to see the beach. You can plan all you want to. Get the safest helmet, knee and elbow pads, have mommy and daddy sweep the side walk, even see if the groud is level. But you can’t predict what the chain of life will do, doesn’t mean you should miss out on the ride though. You only get one time on this earth, why not live it with a smile and making memories. Love y’all, stay blessed, and Grow yourself.

How do you define Success?

Success – Noun
  1. The accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
  2. The attainment of popularity or profit.

How do you define success? I think most people view success as defined above. The problem with this definition is if profit and popularity as all your after your going to have a shallow life (that I feel you deserve). Now, lets say we redefined success.

Success –  The act of helping and adding value to the life of others without seeking personal gain to help other accomplish progress further in life and to be better versions of themselves.

What If success was based on how many people were better off because you lived. If you asked yourself if you were really succeeding, what would your answer be. If your income was based off of positive seeds sown and heart stings (the connection made by an act of kindness from one person to another) tied, what would your bank balance be? How often do you make deposits? Or are you constantly making withdrawals. The point is you’ll never see the big picture if you always only focus on yourself. The most rewarding part of growing yourself is so that you can become strong enough to support others. Even as a tip to the selfish people, if you want to feel better about yourself, do a random act of kindness for someone else and see how it makes YOU feel. You will always feel better about yourself, doing something good for someone else. If your definition of success is wrapped up in money or fame, even when you get that you wont be truly happy. That’s not true success. A life that’s 80% full is still 100 unfulfilled. There will always be a void place empty space when your not living a full life, and its only  Proverbs 11:28 says “whoever trusts his riches will fall”. Your life has to be more then simply the dollar bill. I’m not saying money isn’t important, its very necessary. It just shouldn’t be the most important thing. I read a story in a book, it was about a guy that was a big wig of a company. It talked about how the guy was one of the fastest growing guys in the company.The story took place at his funeral, where his coworkers had to tell the guys kid what type of person their dad was, simply because they never knew him because he was always working. I don’t see that as classifying under success. Deposit into your bank of life, by sewing into the lives of others.

I feel if there was a second part to add to success it would be “to possess the confidence to do what is right and/or different, despite popular or contrary opinions or circumstances”. The voices and opinions of insignificant people saying you cant, should never be louder then the one telling yourself that you can. A success is an inner city kid who makes it through high not getting involved in guns or drugs, and making A’s and B’s. A success is a single mom working multiple jobs but making sure their kids homework is done. A success is a young lady who realizes (despite what tv or magazines say), she’s beautiful and knows her worth and carries herself with confidence and class. Success is doing things that may be an inconvenience for you, but you know they will benefit someone else, so you do it anyway. Successful people (by this definition) change the norm. They give other people the courage to do what is right or to overcome obstacles, because they’ve shown that its possible to do and therefore has removed excuses of why they cant. To be successful by this definition means that you are going to have to be strong enough to push through resistance. It might be naysayers, might be financial, might be relationships, whatever it is you have to push through it. There are people out there who are waiting on your success, because it gives them the ok to step away from their life of mediocrity. Love yall, Stay blessed, and Grow yourself.

To Selfish to be Ambitious….How your Grades Bring down the Classes Average

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Lets say you are in a class room of your peers and there is a pop quiz. Test results come back, most of the class received. C-‘s, you however got a D+, how do you feel? Lets flip lets say everyone else received D+’s and you received a C-, now how do you feel. Now lets say the rest of your class received A’s and now you received that same C-, how do you feel? Like any student who takes pride in his or herself you would do what is necessary so that the next test your test scores were similar to your classmates. You would study, you would stay after school, you would find a teachers aid, some might even resort to next test day sitting either beside or behind and to the left of the smartest kid in that class. Point being your work habit would increase so to not be left behind or looked down upon. Its fascinating how the results of the class determine the perspective of the student. How even in a room of grades that scrape by (which you realize subconsciously) as long as you did better then the rest, we will still feel like achievers. Yet immediately when others succeed it automatically raises the level of personal expectation. I say that to say this, there is no such thing as “Neutrally Average”. It does not exist. It is an oxymoron. There are people who feel that their choosing to be average has no effect on the rest of society. Why? Because its “their life”. True, but you are apart of a class. You are single fish in a school of fish. Your neutrality is you swimming away from the group and when you get eaten by life the rest of us are left to deal with the sharks of mediocrity, and sadly many of us don’t make it. But lets ignore the fact that it effects your peers. Lets forget that others wont feel the urge to strive for greatness, lets pretend that your classmates won’t start jogging through their days instead of sprinting towards their future, we will act like iron doesn’t need to sharpen iron…lets settle for butter knife on butter knife.. Lets put aside the fact the lack of effort of some (doesn’t matter if you will admit it or not) will always bring down the GPA of the rest of the class. What about the younger class. What about your kids (and if you don’t have them, your future kids, nieces or nephews). What are you teaching them. I watched a video where a man said “In the past 60 years there has not been a male figure graduate from high school. Son I need you to take your senior year serious.” He then said this “I went on to get my Ph D because I knew if I did that my son would have to at least have to graduate high school”. You see your efforts now in class (life) make a difference in these hallways. It may not win the popularity contest, you may not be prom king, but your name will forever be in those year book. How will you be remembered? Class clown, lazy, had potential, slacker? Or will you be remembered as a leader, a joy in class, someone who always had a smile, who gave the effort. Your peers evaluate your study habits, they watch your work ethic. When you participate in class, it gives them the ok to do the same. Why? Because one of their peers is doing it. When you choose to start showing up and applying yourself in class, yeah you get good grades, yeah it feels good, But the class is better because of what you started. I ask all of ya’ll to start applying yourself in class. Love ya’ll, stay blessed, and Grow yourself.