What’s your definition of a good friend? What traits do you look for in your friendships? What qualifies someone as having the necessary credentials needed to qualify as a time consumer in your life? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Even more importantly are you mature enough with yourself to be honest about the answer. If you wrote down 10 non-negotiable traits of a real friend, then filtered the people who occupy your time the most, how many people are still around? I think people become anchored back from reaching their potential simply because they either haven’t given any thought to, or won’t be honest about the fact that, they’ve spent most of their lives confusing a good friend…with a familiar face. And the reason is because they’ve allowed for the their lines of standards to be erased, and the places where they light of truth once illuminated has now become an inconsistent land of grey area. Have you ever heard the phrase “success leaves clues”? Meaning there are habits or actions that successful people do. Do you know that great relationships (not just spouse or boyfriend and girlfriend) leaves clues too? Do you know that bad ones do the same? There are tale tale signs that people demonstrate that should be a signal on wether or not they belong in your life. You will see things that I believe if you eliminate the grey area should tell you if should spend more or less time with these people. One thing you can never buy or get back is time. Life a marathon and you can either choose to spend your time running it joined with other runners,or with Anvils…one will encourage you and make the trip easier, the other will make the journey more difficult and severely slow you down (clue number one). Author Robb Thompson says “there is no such thing as a neutral relationship.Every relation you have is either a hinderance or a benefit to your life(notice no grey are). Ok so right there you have your filter. Write down your goal,whatever that is. Write down the necessary influence and thought process you think will need to get to that dream…..now….Are the people you spend majority of your time with the people who will assist you or motivate you to your goal. Are they pushing you forward,are pulling you back. If you had to list your friends on either side of the “YES OR NO” column (not the “but I’ve known them for a long time” or the “but that’s family” or “but that’s my booooyyy” column).If they had to go on one side or the other,what does your list look like? Here are some questions I think will help in recognize the signs relationships conducive for growth.
1.Do they support your goals.(yes or no)
-Do they encourage you or do do they tell you you can’t do something
-Do they speak life or death into your dreams.
-Do they show excitement when you talk about your dream.
-Are they understanding to the time,energy,effort needed to accomplish your dream.
-Do they guilt trip you when you have to dedicate time to accomplish you dream.
-Do they try to assist or distract from the task at hand?
-Do they speak highly or negatively about your goals?
-Do they instill faith or fear towards your dream.
-Do they focus on the obstacles in your way,or help you find ways around them?
-Do they use character,physical,mental,financial,emotional traits as reasons you can’t succeed.
-Do they support your competition?
I know many of you (if your like me the first time I did this) lost a lot of “close friends” in this part of the filtering process.
2.Are they walking in the same direction.(you’ll hardly ever see those known for being ambitious,around those known for being lazy)
-ARE THEY A DISTRACTION (be honest)
-Do they have similar goals? (Disclaimer. Does not necessarily mean they are bad people if they don’t. This is just so your aware. There may be a difference in terrain, as long as its a similar direction.)
-Do they have goals?
-Do they have big goals
-Do they show the same level (or above) of passion and desire towards that goal.
-Do they spend time on y’all’s future or your past?
3.Do they respect you.
-Do they constant say things “they didn’t really mean” or bc “I was mad”? (Ps you’ll never immediately change the things you consistently tolerate.its ok to put your foot down)
-Do they consistently push your buttons ….on purpose?
-If they know something bothers you,how many times do you have ask them not to do something.
4.*******How are they when things aren’t convenient? **********
-Are they even still around
-Are they positive or negative
-Do they resort back to old habits
-Does “the other side” come out?
-Do they try to pull together,or is it every man for himself?
5.What do they bring to the table.(Disclaimer:Not using people. Friendships and good relationships are mutually beneficial. Parasitic relationships are one sided. So if your going to bring something of value to the relationships,evaluate what they bring)
-Do they help you grow
-Do they increase your knowledge, network, quality of life ect.
-Whats their attitude about bringing things to the table (generous,snobby,condescending ect)?
-Happiness or stress.
My best friend once said “If your going to leave crumbs or make a mess, then you might as well not even sit at the table”. Evaluate who you let sit at your table. Understand they will be a hinderance or a benefit. Again,doesn’t make them bad people, just may be people you have to either love at a distance,sparingly or may be someone to excuse from the table. Understand YOU BRING VALUE TO A RELATIONSHIP..So it’s only right that others contribute as we’ll.This post isn’t saying anyone’s better then anyone else. Just wrote this so that when you continue to see certain behavior you can decide of someone’s moving you in the right direction. Remember,you’ll always jump higher and run faster without the things that weight you down. You’ll fly once you remove the things that restrain your wings. And you’ll enjoy the peace and quiet once you eliminate all of the noise. Love y’all, Stay blessed, Grow yourself.