Holes the the house

Quick parable about relationships.

There were two families in identical houses. On normal sunny days there were really no differences. It wasnt until the day of the rain the differnece was shown. When the rain came it exposed leaks that both couples had in their houses. They dug a runoff trench to prevent water from flooding the house. It was hardwork but they did it.The first couple worked together as a team. The husband would clog 2 or three holes while the wife found something to block them up with, then she would clog while the husband found things to patch up the holes. Although many holes showed up, through their system they were able to patch up the many holes, place pots to catch water and anything they could do. Seeing they accomplished their goal they looked back and laughed at their creativity…and lived happily ever after…
A different story was told of the second home. The wife proclaimed in the first 5minutes of starting the trench that she was not cut out for this, leaving her husband to attempt all alone, unfortunately he was not able to finish in time.When the storms came for them the husband began to clog the holes but the wife sat and pointed at the many holes appearing. She felt there was nothing she could do so it was simply best for her to point out the holes. As the husband would move to fix a hole more holes would show, and some of the holes actually became bigger. He tried all he could as his wife simply pointed out hole after hole…noticing the water level rise he gave up and helped his wife get to the highest point of the house. As when she was safe a window burst and the racing water was swept out, pulling the husband out right along with him…never again seen by the wife.

Moral of the story:
There will be times where hardwork is necessary in relationships. But it is a lot more productive when both are working together instead of just one alone to do all the work. Secondly have a system In place to prevent the “floods” in life from rising around your relationship. Next, instead of always inly pointing out whats wrong with the home…try helping to fix the situation. Your spouse sees just as many “holes” as you do, but their actually trying to do something about it. Lastly appreciate what you have bc you never know what may sweep it away from you.

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Opposing Logic

There are times you will feel like the world only wants to take from you,
Give more.
There are time where it will seem there is no point in caring for others,
Care more
There will be times where it seems you won’t have time for others,
Give more of it.
There will be times it seems love only gets you hurt,
Love more.
There will be times life tries to take your smile away,
Smile more.
The world will be become serious in order to silence your laugh,
Laugh more
There will be things that come up to take away your focus,
Focus more.
You will feel that the information you’ve learned is for your own personal advantage
Teach others.
You will feel that you you barely have enough for you to survive or be happy,
Share more.
There will be times where you feel you are at your wits end about to lose it,
Practice patience.
There will be people who hurt you beyond understanding,
Practice forgiveness.
There will be circumstances that will seem impossible to overcome,
Overcome them anyway.
There will be times where average feels comfortable,
Leave your comfort zone
There will be people who want you to fit in with the norm of mediocrity,
Stand out.
There will be those who try to hinder your growth,
Grow anyway
There will be times you don’t feel qualified to bless others,
This is when you bless the most.

Love y’all, Stay blessed, Grow yourself

Quick Check Up…Awareness for yourself and others.

-Whats your definition of a friend?
-Whats your definition of a real friend?
-Whats your definition of a good friend.?
-Are you that for other people?
 
write down your 10 closest friends
-Now, how many of your close friends have told your they’ve prayed for you in the past week
-How many of them have given you a random compliment
-How many have asked “how can I help you this week” (towards your goal, or something of importance)?
-How many have asked “how can I help you”(at all in life)?
-How many times have you asked them those same questions?
-Beside the name of each individual what do you gain from the relationship (humor, education, networking, peace, etc)?
-what do they get from you.
-Whats something you’ve learned in the past week from each person?
(black and white answers)
-If you scrolled down the next 20-40 status’s on your news feed is it mostly positive or negative (this helps you see how your getting slightly influenced).
– If you listed of your 10 (but depending on if you have time 20+ people you talk to the most….and had to split them into positive or negative…which list Is longer?
Which side of the list would you be on?
-Do your close friends talk about helping other people, or themselves.
-Scale of 1 to 10. How much do they gossip
-How much do you?
-Do they sow positive or negative seeds?
– Are your friends givers or takers.
-When was the last time you’ve seen them go out of their way to do a good deed?
-When was the last time you have?
 
 
Just a quick check up on your association, and personal behavior. I hope yall take the time to try this. Its very eye opening. Be the Change you want to see in the world. Love yall, Stay blessed. Grow yourself.
Video

In the Game, On the Bench, Or in the Stands

What’s your position in the “Game” of life? Quick video that goes over the different roles that people play in life when it comes to bringing the game together. A way to analyze it for yourself and make necessary adjustments.

Do You Know? Questions for Clarification

1.Do you know what an attack looks like?
– Can you recognize why certain things happen to upset you.
– Have you ever had bad things happen, just as life is going good.
– Do you know that you won’t simply be allowed to succeed.
– can you separate emotions in order to think clearly.
– Do you know if someone can flare up a certain emotion they can almost make you act however they want.
– Do you know that most bad decisions are made after an emotional attack.
– Do you know that a lot of great opportunities are missed bc of a lack of control after an attack.
– Have you realized that most attacks are never a physical one (meaning no physical harm done), only mentally and emotionally bc that’s where most people are the weakest.

2. Do you know that there’s an adversary
-Do you know there’s someone who’s against you.
-Do you know there’s someone willing to do anything to keep you drifting in life.
– Do you know it’s going to be a fight to protect your thoughts.
– Do you know there’s someone who influences people around you.
– Do you know there’s someone who wants you to live in fear.
– Do you know there someone who doesn’t ever want you to realize your self worth.
-Do you know there’s someone who wants you to live selfishly.
-Do you know there’s someone who will lie to you to keep you below your abilities.

3. Do you know he wants to keep you distracted
– Have you ever made a positive decision and immediately something goes wrong.
– Have you ever made a decision for long term great and been distracted by temporary good.
– Have close friends done or said hurtful things when you need them?
-Can you recognize a distraction.
-Can you stay focused on the big picture.
– Do you know that hell use family as a distraction.
– Do you know he will use friends as a distraction.
– Do you know that hanging around weak minded non-ambitious people increases your chance of issues. (Because their mind is easier for him to control)

4. Do you know that you playing average makes him happy
– Do you know a mind not focused on a major goal is easier to control.
– Do you know playing on a larger scale influences others to do the same.
– Do you know playing average allows others to do the same.
– Do you know he doesn’t want you at your potential.
– Do you know self confidence scares him bc he can’t fill your head with lies.

5. Do you know that he’s beatable.
– Do you know that he can’t control you if you live in faith.
– Do you know that if you make your self strong with the truth, he can’t prey on your weaknesses.
-Do you know he’s already been beaten.
– Do you know he only has the power you allow him to have in your life.
– Do you know knowing who you are beats him.
– Do you know that knowing who’s you are beats him.
-Do you know he can only distract your purpose, be he can’t stop it.
– Do you know that living in faith makes him powerless.
-Do you know that you are loved.
– Do you know that you are forgiven.
– Do you know that you are worth more then you could ever imagine.
– Do you know that there are plans for you to be prosperous and to live abundantly, and all you have to do is stay faithful.

Stay Blessed, Love y’all, Grow Yourself

Would your friends pass the test? A quick assessment of your close relationships.

What’s your definition of a good friend? What traits do you look for in your friendships? What qualifies someone as having the necessary credentials needed to qualify as a time consumer in your life? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Even more importantly are you mature enough with yourself to be honest about the answer. If you wrote down 10 non-negotiable traits of a real friend, then filtered the people who occupy your time the most, how many people are still around? I think people become anchored back from reaching their potential simply because they either haven’t given any thought to, or won’t be honest about the fact that, they’ve spent most of their lives confusing a good friend…with a familiar face. And the reason is because they’ve allowed for the their lines of standards to be erased, and the places where they light of truth once illuminated has now become an inconsistent land of grey area. Have you ever heard the phrase “success leaves clues”? Meaning there are habits or actions that successful people do. Do you know that great relationships (not just spouse or boyfriend and girlfriend) leaves clues too? Do you know that bad ones do the same? There are tale tale signs that people demonstrate that should be a signal on wether or not they belong in your life. You will see things that I believe if you eliminate the grey area should tell you if should spend more or less time with these people. One thing you can never buy or get back is time. Life a marathon and you can either choose to spend your time running it joined with other runners,or with Anvils…one will encourage you and make the trip easier, the other will make the journey more difficult and severely slow you down (clue number one). Author Robb Thompson says “there is no such thing as a neutral relationship.Every relation you have is either a hinderance or a benefit to your life(notice no grey are). Ok so right there you have your filter. Write down your goal,whatever that is. Write down the necessary influence and thought process you think will need to get to that dream…..now….Are the people you spend majority of your time with the people who will assist you or motivate you to your goal. Are they pushing you forward,are pulling you back. If you had to list your friends on either side of the “YES OR NO” column (not the “but I’ve known them for a long time” or the “but that’s family” or “but that’s my booooyyy” column).If they had to go on one side or the other,what does your list look like? Here are some questions I think will help in recognize the signs relationships conducive for growth.

1.Do they support your goals.(yes or no)
-Do they encourage you or do do they tell you you can’t do something
-Do they speak life or death into your dreams.
-Do they show excitement when you talk about your dream.
-Are they understanding to the time,energy,effort needed to accomplish your dream.
-Do they guilt trip you when you have to dedicate time to accomplish you dream.
-Do they try to assist or distract from the task at hand?
-Do they speak highly or negatively about your goals?
-Do they instill faith or fear towards your dream.
-Do they focus on the obstacles in your way,or help you find ways around them?
-Do they use character,physical,mental,financial,emotional traits as reasons you can’t succeed.
-Do they support your competition?

I know many of you (if your like me the first time I did this) lost a lot of “close friends” in this part of the filtering process.

2.Are they walking in the same direction.(you’ll hardly ever see those known for being ambitious,around those known for being lazy)
-ARE THEY A DISTRACTION (be honest)
-Do they have similar goals? (Disclaimer. Does not necessarily mean they are bad people if they don’t. This is just so your aware. There may be a difference in terrain, as long as its a similar direction.)
-Do they have goals?
-Do they have big goals
-Do they show the same level (or above) of passion and desire towards that goal.
-Do they spend time on y’all’s future or your past?

3.Do they respect you.
-verbally
-emotionally
-Do they constant say things “they didn’t really mean” or bc “I was mad”? (Ps you’ll never immediately change the things you consistently tolerate.its ok to put your foot down)
-Do they consistently push your buttons ….on purpose?
-If they know something bothers you,how many times do you have ask them not to do something.

4.*******How are they when things aren’t convenient? **********
-Are they even still around
-Are they positive or negative
-Do they resort back to old habits
-Does “the other side” come out?
-Do they try to pull together,or is it every man for himself?

5.What do they bring to the table.(Disclaimer:Not using people. Friendships and good relationships are mutually beneficial. Parasitic relationships are one sided. So if your going to bring something of value to the relationships,evaluate what they bring)
-Do they help you grow
-Do they increase your knowledge, network, quality of life ect.
-Whats their attitude about bringing things to the table (generous,snobby,condescending ect)?
-Happiness or stress.

My best friend once said “If your going to leave crumbs or make a mess, then you might as well not even sit at the table”. Evaluate who you let sit at your table. Understand they will be a hinderance or a benefit. Again,doesn’t make them bad people, just may be people you have to either love at a distance,sparingly or may be someone to excuse from the table. Understand YOU BRING VALUE TO A RELATIONSHIP..So it’s only right that others contribute as we’ll.This post isn’t saying anyone’s better then anyone else. Just wrote this so that when you continue to see certain behavior you can decide of someone’s moving you in the right direction. Remember,you’ll always jump higher and run faster without the things that weight you down. You’ll fly once you remove the things that restrain your wings. And you’ll enjoy the peace and quiet once you eliminate all of the noise. Love y’all, Stay blessed, Grow yourself.

10 Tips For Life

Faith/Positive mental Attitude– No matter what your religious belief is. In life, you have to have faith that things will improve, things with turn out right, and that everything will be ok. otherwise. Simply having faith prevents your mind from turning life’s speed bumps into mental mountains. A positive mental attitude is usually formed from faith. But your positive mental attitude is what tells you “that wasn’t so bad” or “I made it and I’m stronger because of it”. You will attract to you the things you think about, that can either be a positive world or a negative one.

2. You wont be able to please everyone – The easier waste to run yourself ragged, is to try to please everyone. If your too bold, people will call you rude, if your too quite you’ll be called a pushover. So if their going to judge you anyways and be unhappy despite your efforts, be you and have fun. The ones that are meant to be with you will walk with you, the ones that aren’t, wont.

3.Its nobody else’s fault –  You are where you are in life because of your own actions, thoughts, and beliefs. You may have had negative influences, relationships ect. Here’s the thing though, not overcoming that and moving on with your life to become a better you doesn’t hurt anybody else, it only limits you. Its never a lack of money its a lack of thought process, and if you think your situation is so bad, there are a number of motivational videos, and books from people with similar or worst situations that chose to pick THEMSELVES up.

4.You can make progress or excuses, but you cant make both – This ones pretty self explanatory. But what I want you to think about and ask yourself is “when things go wrong do I spend more time complaining about the problem, or evaluating a way for a solution?” Most people spend all day complaining over an issue that they could have come up with a solution for in 10 minutes. Which way to you spend your time. The best way to resolve this is to eliminate grey area from your life, take responsibility, and address situations. Time will pass either way, its just one way is actually productive.

5.If you want it, give it– If you want something from the world first you have to give it. I know this is contrary to what most people are taught and believe, but this is the way of the world. If you want money, your going to have to learn to give some of it away (sew the seed you want to reap). If you want real friends? You have to be one to someone else first. You want love, loyalty, companionship, good deeds, ect…Sew it….Everything you want, you have in a bag inside of you that you can plant anytime any where. and your harvest will come up. Problem is most people want the harvest without planting the seed, and that’s like saying “fire give me heat, and when your nice and warm ill add some logs”.

6.Smile – Smile for yourself because as soon as your smile, your body triggers something in your mind that says “dude things are ok…look were smiling” and your body becomes relaxed. Even if its just a little bit that can make a world of difference. Like right now you have a current mood. Wherever you are, smile…don’t worry ill wait….you instantly start to feel better. This also give you a warm presence about yourself that attracts people to you. Now, don’t walk around creeper smiling at people but if you have a nice normal smile, you will feel better about yourself and people will be drawn to you. Also your smile my be the sunshine of somebody else’s rainy day. And remember what was said about planting the seed. It may be on your bad day that someone’s smile turns your whole day around.

7.The little things are the big things – With relationships of all kinds, do the small things for people. Small acts of random kindness have the biggest effect on people. Give a compliment, hold the door, notice a change, ect. There are many people walking around who don’t have anyone else to do that for them, and you can be that person.

8.Have meaningful qualified friendships with likeminded people – If you want to have real friendships. Make your friends qualify for them. Not everybody you shake hands with is meant to be your friend. You can be nice, you can be polite, but if your going to be a life leech, I’m going to turn salty.Its not rude, its not snobby, its not anything like that, its the confidence that you bring something to the table, and time is valuable. People will bring you in whatever direction they are going in, so you have to make sure its in the same direction you want to go. Find people who are going the same direction in you in life and push each other to go further.

9.Bring something to the table, if you wanna join the feast  – I respect your time, and I also respect my own. I promise to better myself, feel a need, give, add value to, serve, compliment, grow, ect, I will be there every time you need me, I will be reliable, I will be honest, I will tell you that thing you need to hear (with love) sometimes you don’t want to hear it, I am willing to give the shirt off of my back and will do everything in my power to help your dreams come true….now…What do YOU bring to the table. (I actually dare some of yall to have that conversation with a close friend and watch what they say). If you are bringing food (value) to the table and they cant even bring a cup? They gotta go.

10.Fill a void and make a friend – There are people out there right now that if you want to qualify for their world, All you have to do is pay attention. People all have certain needs, and if you can fill that need for them you become priceless, you will have people who you would dream to be around, requesting time around you just because they want that need in their life met. If its a real friend, if its positivity, if its to feel like they can have fun, if its someone who notices the small things, whatever it is, pay attention to the things the people you care about/the relationships you want. Fill the need and gain a friend.

How do you define Success?

Success – Noun
  1. The accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
  2. The attainment of popularity or profit.

How do you define success? I think most people view success as defined above. The problem with this definition is if profit and popularity as all your after your going to have a shallow life (that I feel you deserve). Now, lets say we redefined success.

Success –  The act of helping and adding value to the life of others without seeking personal gain to help other accomplish progress further in life and to be better versions of themselves.

What If success was based on how many people were better off because you lived. If you asked yourself if you were really succeeding, what would your answer be. If your income was based off of positive seeds sown and heart stings (the connection made by an act of kindness from one person to another) tied, what would your bank balance be? How often do you make deposits? Or are you constantly making withdrawals. The point is you’ll never see the big picture if you always only focus on yourself. The most rewarding part of growing yourself is so that you can become strong enough to support others. Even as a tip to the selfish people, if you want to feel better about yourself, do a random act of kindness for someone else and see how it makes YOU feel. You will always feel better about yourself, doing something good for someone else. If your definition of success is wrapped up in money or fame, even when you get that you wont be truly happy. That’s not true success. A life that’s 80% full is still 100 unfulfilled. There will always be a void place empty space when your not living a full life, and its only  Proverbs 11:28 says “whoever trusts his riches will fall”. Your life has to be more then simply the dollar bill. I’m not saying money isn’t important, its very necessary. It just shouldn’t be the most important thing. I read a story in a book, it was about a guy that was a big wig of a company. It talked about how the guy was one of the fastest growing guys in the company.The story took place at his funeral, where his coworkers had to tell the guys kid what type of person their dad was, simply because they never knew him because he was always working. I don’t see that as classifying under success. Deposit into your bank of life, by sewing into the lives of others.

I feel if there was a second part to add to success it would be “to possess the confidence to do what is right and/or different, despite popular or contrary opinions or circumstances”. The voices and opinions of insignificant people saying you cant, should never be louder then the one telling yourself that you can. A success is an inner city kid who makes it through high not getting involved in guns or drugs, and making A’s and B’s. A success is a single mom working multiple jobs but making sure their kids homework is done. A success is a young lady who realizes (despite what tv or magazines say), she’s beautiful and knows her worth and carries herself with confidence and class. Success is doing things that may be an inconvenience for you, but you know they will benefit someone else, so you do it anyway. Successful people (by this definition) change the norm. They give other people the courage to do what is right or to overcome obstacles, because they’ve shown that its possible to do and therefore has removed excuses of why they cant. To be successful by this definition means that you are going to have to be strong enough to push through resistance. It might be naysayers, might be financial, might be relationships, whatever it is you have to push through it. There are people out there who are waiting on your success, because it gives them the ok to step away from their life of mediocrity. Love yall, Stay blessed, and Grow yourself.